Memorials vs. Funerals

Memorial vs. Funeral

It's interesting; funerals and memorials have much in common, yet they often appear very different. Each is a ceremony; a gathering of people who share a common loss. It's just that one is more rooted in tradition, while the other is the result of recent changes in social values. But both serve to do three things:
  1. Help the bereaved family, and their community, publicly acknowledge the death of one of their own
  2. Support the grieving family by surrounding them with caring friends, co-workers, and neighbors
  3. Move the deceased from one social status to another
The biggest difference of a traditional funeral and a memorial service is that the body is not present in a casket at a memorial service. However, an urn with the loved one’s ashes may be present at a memorial service. Both traditional funeral services and memorial services have structure, and both bring the community together in support and remembrance. However, a traditional funeral service is much more structured and formal. Whereas a traditional funeral is typically comprised of four parts: the visitation, funeral service, committal service and reception, a memorial service does not have the same standardized structure.  A traditional funeral service is often associated with religion so it is often led by a member of clergy, whereas a memorial service is led by a celebrant or master of ceremonies. Memorial services often allow for each guest to participate to some level, where guests of a traditional funeral are really just there to observe and reflect.

Continue reading this page for more detailed information about memorial services and funeral services and what makes them unique. 

What is a Memorial Service?


Unlike a traditional funeral, a memorial service is a gathering where a casket is not present (although the urn with the cremated remains may be on display). A memorial service can be held weeks or even months after the death.

A memorial service can be held in a church, the funeral home or a community hall, or somewhere of importance to the deceased and family. There is usually music, selected readings, and a eulogy. Memorial services can be further personalized as a celebration-of-life.

Memorial Service Ideas

Our experience has shown us that many of today's families want more than a traditional funeral. This can be done by bringing more of the personality and lifestyle of the deceased into the arrangements. By displaying photographs or staging the event around a favourite pastime, a memorial service can become more personal and meaningful.

If a personalized memorial service suits the needs of your family, we suggest you consider the following questions:
  • What did your loved one like to do?
  • What was he or she like as an individual?
  • What was their profession and how did that shape their life?
  • Was your loved one spiritual?
  • Was he or she proud of their cultural or ethnic heritage? 
  • What was their favourite type of food?

    Why a Memorial Service?

    Rather than opting to do things "the same old way", many families today want to celebrate the life of a loved one. Many funeral service professionals see this change as one of the many contributions to social change made by  "Baby Boomers". The National Funeral Directors Association notes, "As baby boomers age and find themselves having to plan funerals for loved ones and themselves, they are making funeral choices based on values that are different than previous generations. Baby boomers see funerals as a valuable part of the grieving process and are seeking ways to make them meaningful." If you too desire to make the funeral for a loved one more engaging and personally meaningful, a celebration of life may be the perfect concept to build on. We compare a celebration of life ceremony to a memorial service below on this page. 

    What is a Funeral?


    All we need to do is say the word "funeral" and within microseconds, you have an image in your mind of what a funeral looks like. This mental image comes from many sources: the geographical place, culture and society in which we live; our faith; our life experience. Obviously then, a funeral service in Borneo would look very different from one held in Tanzania; there are even significant differences between the funerals held in ethnically and/or geographically diverse regions of North America.

    Yet, despite the differences, these funeral services have much in common. We invite you to read further to learn the really simple answer to the question "what is a funeral?" Should you have questions about what you read here, we encourage you to call us.

    What Makes a Funeral?

    No matter where it's held, a funeral is a structured ceremony, with a beginning, middle and end. Each is intended to engage the living participants in activities which will transform their status within the community, provide mourners with a collective grieving experience, and celebrate a life lived. It's a socially-acceptable way for members of a community to re-affirm and express their social attachments.

    Anthropologists label a funeral as a rite of passage, which affects everyone involved—including the deceased. His or her social status changes dramatically, from a living contributing member of the community to one whose contributions are in the past, and relegated to memory. But the status of each of the survivors—the immediate family most especially—has also changed. In fact, the funeral service can be the start of a defined period of mourning for bereaved family members, marking this transition in a uniquely identifiable way. 

    It could be said then, the focus of a funeral—no matter where, no matter when—lies in acknowledging change. And without doubt, human beings (as individuals and as a community) have trouble dealing with profound changes like the death of an integral member of the group. When you take this perspective, it becomes easier to understand the importance of ceremonially acknowledging the tear in the social fabric and the symbolic restoration of its integrity.
    Source:
    Huntington, Richard and Peter Metcalf, Celebrations of Death: The Anthropology of Mortuary Ritual, Cambridge University Press, 1979

    Memorial vs. Celebration of Life

    A celebration of life is an event that truly celebrates the loved one’s passions, intellectual pursuits, personality, and personal accomplishments. A celebration of life can really have no structure at all and can be really anything you want. Since celebrations of life are commonly held after the individual's physical remains have been cared for through burial or cremation, there is much more time available to plan the event. And without doubt, this allows you to make better decisions about how you'd like to celebrate the life of someone you dearly loved.
     
    A memorial service could be best described as a gentle mix of a traditional funeral and celebration of life. A memorial service has some structure, but it still allows you the flexibility to make the ceremony unique and personalized to fit the individual being honored. Also the mood generally lies somewhere in the middle of completely somber and celebratory.

    If planning a celebration of life seems enticing but are not sure how to incorporate a loved one's life into an unstructured ceremony such as a celebration of life, we encourage you to review the list of characteristics of helpful ceremonies below.  According to the online article "Six Characteristics of Helpful Ceremonies", by William Hoy, Director of Grief Connect, this is done by including:
    • Symbols of shared significance intended to communicate beyond words
    • Ritual actions shared by a group of individuals
    • Gathered people providing comfort to one another
    • Connection to heritage through recognized readings
    • Increased physical contact between attendees provide comfort
    • Witnessing the transition of the body through burial or cremation
    In knowing these characteristics, you can design a Celebration of Life as unique as the life of your loved.
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